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It's another day 2 today. These past few months I've had a few of those. But this time was a real mess. Let me tell you what I did.

Two days ago, on a regular Thursday, I was feeling really stressed. I could feel the tenseness in my body, the shallow breathing, the irritation. The feeling that "everything was just too much". My mind quickly called up the image of a wine glass filled with.. red wine of course. The thought of drinking that first glass and the physical sedation that would follow--ah. A quick fix - relief from this uncomfortable state of mind and body. This is the moment auto-pilot kicks in. No rational talking myself out of it. No! My ego would have what it wanted and soon! and lots of it. I went to the store to buy a regular bottle of red wine. Not those small 2 serving bottles. No. Today I would "treat" myself to the full experience. I added some other things to the shopping so it wasn't that obvious that this shop was about the wine.

I went home and did as envisioned. Wine in glass, wine down throat. Then I began tidying up the kitchen so I could cook for my family. Yes, I am a mother and have responsibilities. But inside, I'm a child, a scared child with no safety net, or less than I would like. Plus a woman, who's just experiencing a break-up. Yes, that was the reason, the break-up, why I said to myself I needed this wine and to go for it this time. I cooked and all was well. I spilled some wine while cooking, as the glass was unusually tall (usually I used a mug so my youngest didn't see the redness of the "juice" I was drinking). My daughter (16) also had a sip or 2 on the sly. So once the bottle was done, I - brain-damaged at this stage - reasoned that since I hadn't drunk the entire bottle, I would go and get another one. So off I went in good cheer, back to the store, adding some other things to buy, plus another expensive bottle of red wine. Oh, and a small beer!

When I woke up the next morning at 5ish, I was still drunk. Off to the kitchen I go, I pour the half bottle of remaining wine down the sink and tidy away the bottles and wine glass. I remember snippets of the day before. Drunk-calling my ex, for example. That horrible feeling of shame in my stomach. That day, yesterday, on day 1, I spent the entire day in bed, not moving much. Sipping water, vomiting over the toilet, head in a vice. Ugh! Have I hit rock-bottom yet? Never again! This time I mean it!

"You're working as designed", I hear Jason Christoff, founder of the Freedom from Self-Sabotage (FFSS) coaching training, say in my head. What does that mean? During our lives we are programmed without knowing it, by our upbringing, school, society, TV, movies, church and so on. How this works is explained really well in Jason Christoff's new documentary Planet Mind Control (www.planetmindcontrol.com).

Telling the world about my embarrassing self-created experience above, is not pretty, far from it, it's as ugly as we can make life in this world be, where for most of our lives we are unaware that our free will is not independent and free at all. The good news though, is that there is a solution: just like a computer programmed with a virus, we can also re-program ourselves to let the original human design built on Love, self-empowerment, strength, connection and Light, to overcome our disempowering programming. One powerful way to do this is to sign up for The Power in You Program (https://thepowerinyou.jchristoff.com).

I am currently taking the FFSS coaching course (https://freedomfromselfsabotage.com/become-a-coach) and applying everything I'm learning in my own life. I have complete faith in my ability to reprogram myself to become healthy, wealthy and to create my dream-life.

Today, on day 2, I am able to drink more fluids and eat again. The headache is gone. I did have a coffee this morning (yesterday I could not). The coffee will leave eventually too (the strongest program to overcome for me). After that I prepared a 4-lemon enema (1 liter of distilled, warm water plus the juice of 4 organic lemons). That helped me feel more alive. Then I had a full bath with sodium bicarbonate dissolved in it (I had run out of Dead Sea salt). After that I had freshly-squeezed orange juice made from 7 organic oranges. I enjoyed a short sun-bath for my face and my clean, wet hair. I began to tidy the flat and get my life into order. My second breakfast consisted of a mango. I enjoy fruits for breakfast and have been doing that since 2012. I feel energetic and light when I start my day this way.

I will let you know how I'm getting on.

I invite you to take a deep, conscious breath with me and I wish you peace in every moment of your day.

Maria <3